Los Pumas Devour PATHETIC Boks!

Los Pumas Devour PATHETIC Boks!

26th Aug 2018 Off By Belson Keating

That’s it folks. The Rugbytainment SCAMpionship is effectively OVER! Just cancel the whole charade right now and award the trophy to New Zealand. We all know that was the Cartel’s original plan anyway. The Bumble Boks have just made it easier for them by going down 32-19 to Los Pumas in what can only be described as one of the most pathetic displays by a South African rugby team in recent memory. What the hell happened out there boys?! Did Flashcard Rassie forget his flashcards at the airport?! Or did the Argies just prevent him from getting on the roof to orchestrate proceedings from above? Now Uncle Belson has nothing personal against Rassie `Rasputin’ Erasmus. He was a great player in his day and I’m sure he is very nice to his children. But those who recall my musings on Planet Cartel before I was so unceremoniously banned will recall that I said from the very beginning that I did not believe Rasputin was the man for the Bok job. I said from the start we needed a foreign coach if only to inject new thinking – nay, just thinking! – into our boneheaded approach to rugby. Rasputin’s so-called innovative approach to rugby is entirely built on his time with the Free State Cheetahs when he first started coaching at provincial level. Old Rasputin caused a stir in local rugby circles by climbing on the stadium roof where he would hold up giant flashcards to instruct his players below on what to do. The thinking was that from the stadium roof he had a better view of what was happening on the field of play than the players who were actually on the field of play. This was hailed as some sort of revolutionary innovation in braindead South Africa. Old Uncle Belson was utterly perplexed. While the Kiwis and Aussies were setting the standard by playing innovative off-the-cuff rugby based on the simple premise of playing what’s in front of you, South Africa was reverting to type and looking to be led from above. I mean who needs to think for themselves when you can have a celestial dictator from above orchestrating your every move? What’s the point of a brain if you actually have to use it? That appears to be South African logic!

But back to Mendoza, Argentina where Rassie’s men spent 80 minutes running around like headless chickens unable to actually think for themselves on the field of play. Frans Malherbe was his usual self and spent the match jogging around looking utterly perplexed until he was required to get pulverised at the next scrum (as usual). Etzebeth still looked upset that Siya Kolisi hadn’t returned his recent public declaration of love (If you don’t believe me check out the link below!). Kolisi himself blew hot and cold, probably because of the dressing down his wife gave him after she discovered his bromance with Eben. Francois Louw looked like he’d rather be in England. Pollard lincreasingly resembles the Pierre Spies of backline play. Why do the hard yards when you could be posing in your Speedo for Huisgenoot? And then finally there was old Willie le Roux who looks to be back to his original self: fumbling, clueless idiot for 70 minutes of the game and mad genius for 10! As for the rest of the players, well they pitched up but did very little else.

What else is there to say? As mentioned, the Rugby SCAMpionship is effectively over. The way the Boks are playing there’s a very real possibility that even Australia could beat us. All there is to look forward to is taking the absolute piss on the greatest website ever invented – Rugbytainment.com!

Bonus Link:

Etzebeth declares his love for Siya Kolisi: https://www.sport24.co.za/Rugby/RugbyChampionship/eben-on-siya-i-love-that-man-20180817

 

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