Hapless England Involved in Playstationgate!
As an astute observer of the human condition, Professor Belson has always been intrigued by the penchant of visiting English sportsmen to behave like prima donna football WAGs.
So it comes as no surprise that the magnificent Robert Kitson of the Guardian newspaper reports that one of the visiting English rugby players committed the mortal national sin of jumping a queue! What’s more, he did so under the pretence of an alleged emergency, which turned out to be nothing more than a tantrum induced demand related to video game addiction!
According to Mr Kitson’s Guardian masterpiece: “Travelling English fans staying at the team hotel in Bloemfontein reported even polite requests for pictures were frowned on. They were similarly unimpressed when a senior player jumped a lengthy reception queue saying he had an emergency, which turned out to be requesting an extension lead for his PlayStation.”
READ THE EXCELLENT GUARDIAN REPORT HERE: https://www.theguardian.com/sport/2018/jun/17/england-eddie-jones-indecision-spats-world-cup
Now anybody who has spent even one horrible minute on that sun forsaken island of theirs will know how much the Poms love queuing. Hell, the English and their stupendous propensity to spontaneously queue at the first sight of a crowd has even been hailed as nothing short of a national superpower, akin to Brazilians’ ability to flamenco dance or Kiwis’ ability to cheat in full view of the referee and get away with it.
Unfortunately, it seems their superpowers only work at home. When they visit the colonies their national superpower is rendered mysteriously impotent by the kryptonite that is Southern hemisphere air.
Of course, all is not well with our visiting English roses. They’ve succumbed to tantrums all over the place, ranging from slapping Bok players on the head, kicking them in the shins and cutting TV interviews abruptly short.
But as all good Englishmen do, they’ve found a convenient scapegoat in the form of Eddie Jones. The English sharks are circling the poor wounded dingo and the slightest misstep from him will see him lose a leg or a foot at least.
So what can us honourable Saffas do to help this sorry state of affairs? Well as Grandpa Beelzebub Keating always used to say: “When you see a shark circling an Aussie, you throw a pint of chum in the water.”
Now that might sound a tad cruel, but hear me out here Belsonators. The sooner the English prima donnas get rid of Eddie Jones and rehire “Sir” Clive Woodward – who is now blatantly making a play at the Aussie’s job – the sooner we can get old Eddie back into the Bok fold as technical assistant to one Rassie “Rasta” Erasmus.
So join me on my valiant Crusade in exposing PlayStation gate to the world! Let’s chum the English rugby Channels with as much bait as possible to ensure we secure this series 3-0 and get Steady Eddie back where he belongs: in the shadow of Table Top Mountain! Only then can we truly MAKE BOK RUGBY GREAT AGAIN!