Bok WMDs Annihilate Pom Fairies to Take Series!
Well chaps, the mighty Boks have done it again! Thanks to their stupendous efforts in securing a 23-12 VICTORY over third world pretenders, England, the incredible green hulks have catapulted themselves from seventh in the Cartel’s farcical world rankings to fifth! Never thought I’d be happy about being the fifth best rugby team in the world but beggars can’t be choosers I suppose.
After a nervous first half in which the cold hearted English invaders managed to score no less than two tries within the space of 20 minutes, a resurgent green wave of resistance dug deep to SMASH the illegitimate war started by their former colonial masters. It all began when Rassie “Rasta” Erasmus brought on the flame haired Steven Kitshoff and some other fat bloke whose name completely escapes me. Whatever! The two fat boys proceeded to pulverise the Poms in full view of Cartel ref Romain Poite, the only blind man ever to ref a test match! Thank f&#$% Poite doesn’t have a clue! What followed is hard to recall after the amount of red alcoholic liquid I imbibed. But who actually gives a shit? I woke up to a gaggle of screeching foreign sheilas – none of whom could speak English – and realised we’d BIGLY destroyed the Poms by an emormous amount. That was good enough for me!
What ensued cannot be written about without risk of incriminating myself in numerous legal battles, but let’s just say the old Belsonator celebrated like it was 1995 again! Amidst the mayhem, I managed to catch a glimpse of a confused Eddie Jones, telling the SuperSport apparatchik he couldn’t quite put his finger on where England had gone wrong. Well let Professor Belson help you Uncle Eddie. The Poms are wasted on you! Desert them immediately and join the Boks! The good of rugbykind depends on it! Join #TeamBelson and HELP MAKE RUGBY GREAT AGAIN!
P.S. The Poms will no doubt try to blame my beloved Suzie and Altitude again!