Belson’s Hot vs Not-So-Hot Weekend Roundup!

Belson’s Hot vs Not-So-Hot Weekend Roundup!

25th Jun 2018 Off By Belson Keating

Professor Belson’s weekend roundup of who deserves a special Belson Approved™ inclusion in the SMOKING HOT section versus the chumps, charlatans and Kiwi trolls who get dumped into the NOT-SO-HOT camp.

 

SMOKING HOT

Rugbytainment.Com: The world’s GREATEST Rugbytainment™ site ever is just one week old and already it’s striking the fear of the God Emperor into the Cartel’s propaganda machine! With the expert wisdom of Professor Keating himself and the burgeoning ranks of Belsonators from around the world (and the odd Belson hater too) we can only go from strength to strength. Keep up the GREAT work you magnificent thing you!

Johnny May: Young Mayflower proved he’s not just another English pretty boy chosen to pose out wide and do the odd TV dive over the line like some people do (forgot that blonde English chav wing’s name). May was absolutely fantastic in both defence and attack and was deservedly named man of the match by most pundits – yours truly included! In fact, May was without a doubt England’s man of the entire series.

Tom Curry: Who is this young beast? The young Sale Sharks flanker mercilessly harried the Boks all over the park. When he wasn’t pilfering the ball at the breakdown he was putting in crucial tackles or forcing turnovers by holding up the Bok players in the tackle. At just 20-years of age, the young Curry looks to have a great future ahead of him.

Island: Excellent performance by Island to snatch the series victory from the jaws of the Aussie dingos and sending the commentators down under into a frenzy of whingeing the likes of which haven’t been seen since the whole of New Zealand screamed: “WE WUZ POISONED” way back in 1995! It’s the end of a remarkable season for Island who now have the Six Nations, the Triple Crown and a Grand Slam under their belt to complement their 2-1 series victory over the bleating Aussies. As the second-ranked team in the world they are also emerging as the All Blacks’ greatest threat at next year’s World Cup. Only the Cartel can stop them!

NOT-SO-HOT

Slip-n-Sliding Zulu Warriors: It was clearly a bad omen when not one but three Zulu warriors, carefully selected to strike fear into the hearts of the visiting English, went slip-n-sliding all over the Newlands pitch in a laughable display of attempted machismo. The day would only get worse from there as the Boks went on to lose 25-10 to the ruthless English overlords.

Elton Janjies: I have been saying for LITERALLY YEARS that Janjies is not a test quality flyhalf and once again the young man proved me right yet again (surprise, surprise). Sporting his trademark tattoos, ridiculous hairdo and his “made for TV” placekicking theatrics, Janjies was made to look like an out of depth schoolboy trying to keep pace with men. He fumbled catches, missed kicks, threw hospital passes and basically just revealed to all the world what has been clear as daylight to Uncle Belson since day one: the bloke is not test quality. Case closed.

John “Look Mum I’m an All Black” Lacey: What more do the Cartel refs have to do to convince everyone of what Uncle Belson has been saying for LITERALLY YEARS?!! Rugby is completely and utterly RIGGED and the refs aren’t even trying to disguise it anymore. We literally have the refs running interference for the All Blacks and putting in tackles on their opponents while waving through their preciousssss ABs for a try. It’s ludicrous! The equivalent in cricket would be an umpire picking up the ball and performing a run out and then raising his finger to dismiss the player! How much longer do we have to put up with this nonsense?! In fact, I’m done. I’m putting in a call to the God Emperor to get the CIA onto this right now!

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