Artful Aussies Snake White!
How do you outsnake a snake? Just ask the artful Aussie sheilas who just outsnaked the most venomous serpent in all of Rugbytainment™: Jake “The Snake” White! Apparently the story goes that old Jake managed to wrangle a conference call with none other than Raelene Castle .. aka You Know Who 😉 .. to presumably just say “Howzit” and have a catch up about life, the universe and everything. He obviously had no plans to snake Chubby Cheika and steal his job from under him, while he and his not-so-merry band of rugby sheilas lay wounded on the rugby battlefields of Europe. Nope, Snakey Jake just wanted to say “hi” to his old ‘Strayan mates.
However, no sooner had Jake slithered in behind his desk to put in a collect call to the ARU when old Raelene, the ARU’s very own Castle Gargoyle, cancelled the call! What’s more is that she apparently did so after news of the call was leaked to the media, presumably from within the ARU itself! Talk about a frikken Rugbytainment™ soap opera! Snakey Jake must have been spitting mad after such an outrageous slap in the face from his jumbuck chums! The conclusion everyone is drawing from this fiasco is that this slap down effectively eliminates White from the list of potential candidates to become next Wobblies coach when Chubby Cheika inevitably becomes lamb chops. So it looks like poor old Jake’s Aussie ambitions have been drowned in yet another treacherous billabong of ‘Aussie deception!
But don’t worry Jake, Uncle Belson is prepared to make a wild prediction in your favour. After England get knocked out during the quarters at the next RIGGED World Cup in Japan, Eddie Jones is going to get the boot, leaving John “The Personality” Mitchell to take the reigns of the England team….and we all know how that’s going to end… in a flood of Pom tears inside an 18-month period! So all you have to do is wait it out for another couple of years and you can attempt to slither into the cold, dark hearts of the Poms. After Mitchell they might even be receptive to having an Evil Yarpie as their coach! Bonus points if you turn on the Saffa accent from harsh to offensive during Pom press conferences. That’ll be sure to trigger the little fairies and send at least some of them over the White Cliffs of Dover! As for Straya…forget about coaching Down Under mate! Those okes just want to dance around the field like fairies all day. What’s more, they can’t even scrum! Yarpie Knowledge™ is wasted on them!
But let’s spare a thought for Chubby Cheika, who apparently heard about this attempted telephone coup de’tat via the media while he was cruising around Lebanon (which incidentally a rival Rugbytainment site reliably informs us is part of Europe. You learn something new every day!) Sorry Uncle Cheik! Looks like it’s back to the women’s clothing business for you. But don’t worry mate, she’ll be right!
Finally, in the interests of improving our collective Rugbytainment™ edification, let us not fail to ponder the Belsonian moral of this sad little tale of reptilian woe: When you play with snakes, sooner or later you get bitten….just ask Mrs Keating!