“A Yarpie Stole My Bledisloe!”

“A Yarpie Stole My Bledisloe!”

20th Aug 2018 Off By Belson Keating

Greetings Bitches! I know I haven’t graced you with my incredible analysis for some time but the God Emperor had seconded me to attend to a matter of the utmost importance. Trade wars don’t just negotiate themselves you know! They require the delicate diplomatic skills that only yours truly can provide. Now that my job is done I can turn my attention back to the crooked realm of Rugbytainment™ where I notice the Aussie Sheilas are having a whinge and a cry….

Yes, you read that correctly chaps! The same nation that gave us great men like the philosopher Chopper Reid have now stooped to blaming the ref for their 38-13 DESTRUCTION at the hands of the cheating Kiwis. Even worse, the bloke they are blaming is an innocent Saffa, one Jaco “Fairness Personified” Peyper! The source of all this Australian whingeing is this pathetic attempt at a spear tackle by All Pacific player Waisake Naholo – who hails from Fiji (surprise, surprise!):

 

Have you ever seen a less convincing attempt at a spear tackle in your entire life?! If anything, old Israel’s mid-air wriggling and writhing did a better job of spearing himself into the ground than the hapless Fijian…er, I mean Kiwi…ever could. But of course, the whingeing from Planet Bundaberg has been incessant! God, you’d swear us Evil Yarpies had unleashed Bryce Lawrence on them the way the Aussies are crying. If you listen carefully at night you can just about hear the piercing sound of 20-odd million Aussies crying: “A YARPIE STOLE MY BLEDISLOE!” from across the ocean. Yes, that’s right chaps, according to the Aussies it “WOZ ALL PEYPER’S FAULT!” Apparently, old Israel is so upset he wants to condem young Waisake Naholo to hell in a tweet!

Based on Outback logic, poor old Jaco made them leak try after try and get smashed 38-13 on home soil! Sadly, the Australian mind is impervious to impeccable Saffa wisdom so there is little point in trying to explain to our Bundy swilling friends that perhaps, just maybe, they lost fair and square. That’s right chaps, the same nation that gave us such icons of refereeing fairness as Stuart Dickinson, George Ayoub, Angus Gardener (if only he’d stuck to gardening) and a host of other baby faced fuckwits whose names I’ve banished from memory, are now accusing us hulking green Saffas of refereeing impropriety! Well, in the spirit of cross cultural understanding, allow Uncle Belson to rationalise the matter for you Aussie Sheepboys….

CONSIDER IT PAYBACK FOR THIS DEBACLE YOU SHACKLEDRAGGING DESCENDENTS OF CRIMS!!!

 

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